Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is: Communication is a tool that can enhance your relationship.  How well are you using it?   

There’s no question that communication is important in a relationship.  Given the following four (4) types of communication, which do you think might be the most effective?

(a) Pretend listening (pretending your listening and paying attention),

(b) Empathic listening (being aware of your partner’s emotions)

(c) Active listening (following along with what your partner is saying and being ask appropriate questions)

(d) Listening (paying attention and being able to get the gist of what your partner is saying)

We’ll be discussing this in the teleconference on Tuesday, 9/15/2015 from 12pm-12:30pm (EST).  An audio recording will be made of the conference call. 

To connect to the conference call at 12pm EST.  Follow the steps below:

1.     Call 1-302-202-1108  This is the conference calling phone number.  It’s not toll free.   But, there are no extra charges, only what you phone provider charges for you to make the call. 

2.     Enter conference code: 959831

Helpful codes while on the teleconference:

4* - this mutes and unmutes your line (very helpful if your phone doesn’t have a mute function)

5* - This lets the host know that you want to ask a question

 

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is this: Communication is a tool that can enhance your relationship.  How well are you using it?   


Dr. Simon Whittaker – The Relationship Doctor at Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)

  #CommuinicationInMarriage, #lovecpr

September 2015
I'll be signing books the weekend of 9/19/2015.

Book Signing for the book--    I Once Had a Date Named Lust: Breaking Free from Sex and Love Addiction   


 
The book signing occurs before and after each of the church services at Love and Faith Christian Fellowship church on the weekend of September 19th, 2015.  

Date and Time: Book signing 

• Saturday, September 19, 2015 from 5:30pm-6pm and from 7:30pm-8pm (the book signing will take place from 5:30pm-6:00pm, just before the 6 pm church service, and from 7:30pm-8pm right after the church service)
• Sunday, September 20, 2015 from 7am-7:30am, from 9am-9:30am, and from approximately 11:30am-12pm (the book signing will take place from 7am-7:30am, just before the 7:30am church service, and from 9am-9:30am, right after the 7:30am church service, and from approximately 11:30am-12pm, right after the 9:30am church service ends)
  

Location: Love and Faith Christian Fellowship church, 4344 Blackberry Rd, Greensboro, NC 27406 (website - http://www.loveandfaith.org/ )

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is for the ladies, and it’s in the form of a question: Ladies, do your marriage self-evaluation scores measure up to the Marriage Performance Review scores of your  husband—the one who’s evaluating you? 

In some of the previous segments I suggested that you do a self-evaluation of your performance in your marriage (#MarriagePerformanceReview).   Ladies, since the men were guided to do a self-evaluation in the previous segments, you have some advance warning about this—I’m sure you knew it was coming. 


Ladies, let’s examine some of the specific questions that you’ll be evaluated on—these questions are also from one of the previous segments. 

• Ladies, is your husband as happy and content as he was in the beginning (when you first met and got married)?  
  

• What brings him joy?  
  

• What’s puts a smile on his face?  
  

 So, if your husband were conducting your marriage performance review for last year and he asked you: “Am I as happy and content as I was when we first met and when we were first married?”  Would his response match the response that you gave yourself for your self-evaluation?  During your self-evaluation, did you write: “Yes, my husband is just as happy and content as when we first met and when we were first married.  I’ve earned a perfect score in this category.”?  Now that he’s performing your annual review, will he agree with the score that you’ve given yourself, or will he say that you’ve only earned 50% instead of the 100% that you thought you earned.    Ladies, getting this feedback from your husband during the Marriage Performance Review can give you valuable information to help you both know if your marriage is on the right track. 

These questions have something in common, they require that you have the kind of communication in your marriage that is satisfying and enriching (we covered some of the specific tools to accomplish this in the September and October blogs).  When both spouses are satisfied with how they communicate with each other, they are better connected and aware of what is happening in the life of their mate.  So, Ladies, even if you don’t appreciate or understand some of the things that bring him joy (like watching football, hunting, video games, or fishing), knowing what brings him joy and respecting his choice, can go a long way toward helping him to feel accepted in the relationship.

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is for the ladies, and it’s in the form of a question: : Ladies, do your marriage self-evaluation scores measure up to the Marriage Performance Review scores of your  husband—the one who’s evaluating you? 

Dr. Simon Whittaker – The Relationship Doctor at Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)

 #MarriagePerformanceReview, #CommuinicationInMarriage, #lovecpr

Guys, do your marriage self-evaluation scores measure up to the Marriage Performance Review scores of your  wife—the one who’s evaluating you? (Part 2)

Men, let’s examine the remaining specific questions from one of the previous segments in which we discussed the Marriage Performance Review: “What are her dreams, and what are you doing to help her realize them?  What will keep her excited about her life?  What will get her excited about her relationship with you?   What can you do to encourage her to strengthen her relationship with God?”

Once again, if your wife were conducting your marriage performance review for last year and she asked you: What are my dreams, and what are you doing to help my realize them?  What will keep me excited about my life?  What will get me excited about my relationship with you?   What can you do to encourage me to strengthen my relationship with God?”

Would her response match the response that you gave for your self-evaluation?  Based on your self-evaluation, did you give yourself perfect score on to indicate that you’ve done a perfect job on these items?  Now that she’s performing your annual review, will she agree with the score that you’ve given yourself, or will she say that you’ve only earned 50% instead of the 100% that you thought you earned.    

 Guys, these questions have something in common, they require that the two of you not only have ongoing satisfying communication, but they require that as a couple the two of you have the kind of relationship in which you can share your true feelings and a level emotional intimacy that allows you to feel safe sharing your dreams and the things that are really important to you. If you want to enhance the emotional intimacy in your relationship and be able to share your true feelings, review the blog posts in November and December.  Those posts focused on helping couples express their true feelings. 

 
Questions and Actions

 Start by addressing one of the questions listed above.  Guys, what are your wife’s dreams?  What are you doing to help her realize her dreams? If you don’t know the answer to this, now is the time to find out—ask her.  Keep in mind that if your relationship doesn’t yet have enough emotional intimacy and safety, she may not be willing to share all of her dreams.  But, by asking her to share some of her dreams you will be making progress.   

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is for the guys, it’s a continuation of the previous PRP, and it’s in the form of a question: Guys, do your marriage self-evaluation scores measure up to the Marriage Performance Review scores of your  wife—the one who’s evaluating you? (Part 2)

Dr. Simon Whittaker – The Relationship Doctor at Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)

 #MarriagePerformanceReview, #CommuinicationInMarriage, #lovecpr

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is for the guys, and it’s in the form of a question: Guys, do your marriage self-evaluation scores measure up to the Marriage Performance Review scores of your  wife—the one who’s evaluating you?

In a recent segment I suggested that you do a self-evaluation of your performance  in your marriage (#MarriagePerformanceReview).  It’s much like the self-evaluation you might do at work prior to meeting with your boss, but the self-evaluation assignment that you did for our last segment involved evaluating yourself to determine how effective you were last year in caring for the most valuable resource you have been given—your spouse. 

 Men, let’s examine some of the specific questions from the previous segment:   Is your wife as happy and joyful as when you met her?  Is her smile as bright and broad as ever?  Does she feel loved and appreciated?  Or, is she overwhelmed and overworked? 

So, if your wife were conducting your marriage performance review for last year and she asked you: “Do I feel loved and appreciated?”  Would her response match the response that you gave for your self-evaluation?  During your self-evaluation, did you write: “Yes, my wife feels loved and appreciated.  I have earned a perfect score on this job responsibility.” ?  Now that she’s performing your annual review, will she agree with the score that you’ve given yourself, or will she say that you’ve only earned 50% instead of the 100% that you thought you earned.    Guys, we don’t get to judge if she feels loved, instead we get to take the actions of love and then she’ll let us know if we are on the right track.  That’s what the Marriage Performance Review is all about.    

Men, what about some of the other questions that we examined from the previous segment . . .  Is your wife as happy and joyful as when you met her?  Is her smile as bright and broad as ever?  Or, is she overwhelmed and overworked?  These questions have something in common, they require that you have the kind of communication in your marriage that is satisfying and enriching (we covered some of the specific tools to accomplish this in the September and October blogs).  When both spouses are satisfied with how they communicate with each other, they are better connected and aware of what is happening in the life of their mate.  So, Guys, even if you can’t do anything about your wife’s workload at her job, if she can communicate with you about what’s happening, her load will feel lighter for her. 

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is for the guys, and it’s in the form of a question: Guys, do your marriage self-evaluation scores measure up to the Marriage Performance Review scores of your  wife—the one who’s evaluating you?

Dr. Simon Whittaker – The Relationship Doctor at Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)

 #MarriagePerformanceReview, #CommuinicationInMarriage, #lovecpr

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is a continuation of our previous passionate relationship principle, and it’s in the form of a question: How effective were you?  How would you rate yourself on your performance for the year?     


 

If God has called you and your spouse to be together, then He has determined that you are designed to help one another.  “The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’ ”   (Genesis 2:18, Holy Bible, New International Version)     God created Eve to serve as a helper for Adam.  Adam, likewise is to serve as a helper for Eve.  Since God has created you, and put you here for a particular assignment, a particular calling, and has given you a wonderful asset (your spouse), and the year has just come to an end, it’s time to do a self-evaluation of the relationship.  How have you been treating that asset that God has given you?  How is your spouse?

·        Men, is your wife as happy and joyful as when you met her?  Is her smile as bright and broad as ever?  Does she feel loved and appreciated?  Or, is she overwhelmed and overworked?  What are her dreams, and what are you doing to help her realize them?  What will keep her excited about her life?  What will get her excited about her relationship with you?   What can you do to encourage her to strengthen her relationship with God?

·        Ladies, is your husband happy and content as he was in the beginning?  What brings him joy?  What’s puts a smile on his face?  What are his dreams, and how are you helping him achieve them? What will get him excited about you and the relationship?  What can you do to encourage him to strengthen is relationship with God?

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is a continuation of our previous passionate relationship principle, and it’s in the form of a question: How effective were you?  How would you rate yourself on your performance for the year?     

Dr. Simon Whittaker – The Relationship Doctor at Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)

 #MarriagePerformanceReview, #AccountabilityInMarriage, #lovecpr

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is in the form of a question: How effective were you?  How would you rate yourself on your performance for the year?     

This is a question that you may be used to hearing once or twice a year.   It’s fairly common to have a performance review at work.  Typically it occurs at the end of each the year, or if you work in a job that has you working right up until December 31st your performance review will be during the first week or so of the new year.  Before your supervisor meets with you for your annual review, he or she will often ask you to perform a self-evaluation, asking you to determine how well you think you did regarding your work duties, responsibilities, and how well you have maintained the assets that you were given to help you do your work. 

Well, the year has just come to an end, and it’s time to perform a self-evaluation of how well you’ve done caring for the most important asset you have been entrusted with—your spouse.   The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines asset as “a thing that helps.”    (Some people would say that their children are their most important or valuable asset, but since children are not here to help us--it’s just the opposite, we are here to help them—they aren’t considered assets.) 

So, how well did you do in caring for your spouse last year? 

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is in the form of a question: How effective were you?  How would you rate yourself on your performance for the year?     

Dr. Simon Whittaker – The Relationship Doctor at Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)

 #MarriagePerformanceReview, #AccountabilityInMarriage, #lovecpr

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is this: Use “I” statements to take ownership of your feelings.  Sometimes when people want to talk about topics that are scary for them, they use more general terms.  For example, if Barbara feels very uncomfortable talking to her husband, John, about the finances, she might say something like: In some marriages both spouses work together to develop a budget otherwise one person might feel that the other is trying to control the finances and spending.    If their relationship grows to a point in which there is enough safety and emotional intimacy, Barbara will be able to say: John, I want both of us to work together to develop a monthly budget.  I feel that the strength of our marriage is our love and the partnership that we share, and that includes both of use sharing in the budgeting and financial decisions.    This discussion also provides an opportunity for John to respond in a way that respects and encourages Barbara’s willingness to share her true feelings.

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is this: Use “I” statements to take ownership of your feelings. 

Dr. Simon Whittaker – The Relationship Doctor at Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)

 #communicationinmarriage, #Istatements, #lovecpr

Ladies, now it’s your turn.  Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) comes in the form of a question:  Wives, if you gave your husband a test of your vulnerability, how would he do? 


Ladies, if you share with your husband about something that you consider to be a personal shortcoming of yours, or an area that you want to improve in, can you count on him to listen in a non-judgmental way and show you that he accepts you unconditionally.  For example, Ladies, if you want to start cooking more often, as opposed to picking up fast food for the family,  and tell your husband that you are a little frustrated about not having done this sooner, how will he respond?  Will he get an ‘A’ and score high on the vulnerability test by listening emphatically and being supportive?  Or will he fail the vulnerability test, by saying something like “It’s about time . . . .”     Since, your already aware that you want to make a change in this area, you really don’t need him to reinforce the point.  In fact, his commentary could have the reverse impact.   By listening in this way your husband can show that there is safety in the relationship and you won’t be judged.  This exercise can strengthen the marriage greatly.

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) comes in the form of a question:  Wives, if you gave your husband a test of your vulnerability, how would he do?    

Dr. Simon Whittaker – The Relationship Doctor at Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)

 #vernerabilityinmarriage, #lovetalk, #lovecpr

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) comes in the form of a question:  Husbands, if you gave your wife a test of your vulnerability, how would she do?   If your husband expresses what he believes to be a shortcoming or an area in which he wants to get better, unless it is something critical that could cause harm to someone, listen in a non-judgmental way and show that you accept him unconditionally.  For example, if your husband is disappointed or frustrated with himself and has said that he would start reading more so that he could be more knowledgeable and better prepared to make certain decisions about leisure activities for the family, you could just listen in a non-judgmental, empathetic way (see the prior segment on empathic listening).    As you listen empathically it shows that you accept him unconditionally just the way he is, while also encouraging him in this area of self-improvement.  Listening in this way will show him that there is safety in the relationship and that he won’t be judged.  This exercise can strengthen the marriage greatly.  Ladies, it provides you with the opportunity to develop the skills to listen objectively, in a non-judgmental, empathic way.  This is often harder than it sounds because after the discussion is over you still have to live with him.  So ladies, how would you do on this test of vulnerability?  Would you get an ‘F’ on the test by telling him what a failure he is?  Or would you get an ‘A’ by listening empathically?  Or, would you score somewhere in between? 

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is in the form of a question: Husbands, if you gave your wife a test of your vulnerability, how would she do? 

Dr. Simon Whittaker – The Relationship Doctor at Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)

 #vernerabilityinmarriage, #lovetalk, #lovecpr