In relationships men tend to be more comfortable discussing thoughts, as opposed to feelings. So, after work, as John and Susan are talking about their day, John might talk about the project that he is working on, sharing facts primarily. But, he’s probably less likely to talk about how he feels as a result of working on the project. Susan, as she talks about her day, may be more detailed and more likely to share feelings or emotions associated with the day’s activities. But, for both John and Susan it’s important that they share their feelings about the things that are important to them, and if those feelings are shared with their spouse, it can enhance the relationship and the marriage.
Although feelings aren’t facts, the importance of feelings is a fact. In a national study of marriage, the 6th most problematic area for couples was that one spouse wanted their mate to share their feelings more frequently. In fact, the issue occurs so frequently in marriage that 82% of couples face this concern.1 So, feelings may not be facts, but the importance of sharing feelings is a fact.
Questions and Actions
In thinking about a recent event that both of you participated in, how did it make you feel? Where there feelings that made you feel vulnerable? Did you share those vulnerable feelings with your spouse?
Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is this: Feelings aren’t Facts, but the Importance of Feelings is a Fact
Dr. Simon Whittaker – The Relationship Doctor at Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)
#emotionalintelligence, #feelings, #love
1 David Olson, Amy Olson-Sigg, and Peter Larson, National Survey of Marriage. The Couple Checkup: Find Your Relationship Strengths (Nashville: Thomas Nelson,2008)