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Ladies, do your marriage self-evaluation scores measure up to the Marriage Performance Review scores of your  husband—the one who’s evaluating you? 

1/12/2015

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Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is for the ladies, and it’s in the form of a question: Ladies, do your marriage self-evaluation scores measure up to the Marriage Performance Review scores of your  husband—the one who’s evaluating you? 

In some of the previous segments I suggested that you do a self-evaluation of your performance in your marriage (#MarriagePerformanceReview).   Ladies, since the men were guided to do a self-evaluation in the previous segments, you have some advance warning about this—I’m sure you knew it was coming. 



Ladies, let’s examine some of the specific questions that you’ll be evaluated on—these questions are also from one of the previous segments. 

  • Ladies, is your husband as happy and content as he was in the beginning (when you first met and got married)?  


  • What brings him joy?  

  • What’s puts a smile on his face?  

 So, if your husband were conducting your marriage performance review for last year and he asked you: “Am I as happy and content as I was when we first met and when we were first married?”  Would his response match the response that you gave yourself for your self-evaluation?  During your self-evaluation, did you write: “Yes, my husband is just as happy and content as when we first met and when we were first married.  I’ve earned a perfect score in this category.”?  Now that he’s performing your annual review, will he agree with the score that you’ve given yourself, or will he say that you’ve only earned 50% instead of the 100% that you thought you earned.    Ladies, getting this feedback from your husband during the Marriage Performance Review can give you valuable information to help you both know if your marriage is on the right track. 

These questions have something in common, they require that you have the kind of communication in your marriage that is satisfying and enriching (we covered some of the specific tools to accomplish this in the September and October blogs).  When both spouses are satisfied with how they communicate with each other, they are better connected and aware of what is happening in the life of their mate.  So, Ladies, even if you don’t appreciate or understand some of the things that bring him joy (like watching football, hunting, video games, or fishing), knowing what brings him joy and respecting his choice, can go a long way toward helping him to feel accepted in the relationship.

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is for the ladies, and it’s in the form of a question: : Ladies, do your marriage self-evaluation scores measure up to the Marriage Performance Review scores of your  husband—the one who’s evaluating you? 

Dr. Simon Whittaker – The Relationship Doctor at Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)

 #MarriagePerformanceReview, #CommuinicationInMarriage, #lovecpr



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Guys, do your marriage self-evaluation scores measure up to the Marriage Performance Review scores of your  wife—the one who’s evaluating you? (Part 2)

1/6/2015

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Guys, do your marriage self-evaluation scores measure up to the Marriage Performance Review scores of your  wife—the one who’s evaluating you? (Part 2)

Men, let’s examine the remaining specific questions from one of the previous segments in which we discussed the Marriage Performance Review: “What are her dreams, and what are you doing to help her realize them?  What will keep her excited about her life?  What will get her excited about her relationship with you?   What can you do to encourage her to strengthen her relationship with God?”

Once again, if your wife were conducting your marriage performance review for last year and she asked you: What are my dreams, and what are you doing to help my realize them?  What will keep me excited about my life?  What will get me excited about my relationship with you?   What can you do to encourage me to strengthen my relationship with God?”

Would her response match the response that you gave for your self-evaluation?  Based on your self-evaluation, did you give yourself perfect score on to indicate that you’ve done a perfect job on these items?  Now that she’s performing your annual review, will she agree with the score that you’ve given yourself, or will she say that you’ve only earned 50% instead of the 100% that you thought you earned.    

 Guys, these questions have something in common, they require that the two of you not only have ongoing satisfying communication, but they require that as a couple the two of you have the kind of relationship in which you can share your true feelings and a level emotional intimacy that allows you to feel safe sharing your dreams and the things that are really important to you. If you want to enhance the emotional intimacy in your relationship and be able to share your true feelings, review the blog posts in November and December.  Those posts focused on helping couples express their true feelings. 

 
Questions and Actions

 Start by addressing one of the questions listed above.  Guys, what are your wife’s dreams?  What are you doing to help her realize her dreams? If you don’t know the answer to this, now is the time to find out—ask her.  Keep in mind that if your relationship doesn’t yet have enough emotional intimacy and safety, she may not be willing to share all of her dreams.  But, by asking her to share some of her dreams you will be making progress.   

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is for the guys, it’s a continuation of the previous PRP, and it’s in the form of a question: Guys, do your marriage self-evaluation scores measure up to the Marriage Performance Review scores of your  wife—the one who’s evaluating you? (Part 2)

Dr. Simon Whittaker – The Relationship Doctor at Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)

 #MarriagePerformanceReview, #CommuinicationInMarriage, #lovecpr



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Guys, do your marriage self-evaluation scores measure up to the Marriage Performance Review scores of your  wife—the one who’s evaluating you? 

1/6/2015

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Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is for the guys, and it’s in the form of a question: Guys, do your marriage self-evaluation scores measure up to the Marriage Performance Review scores of your  wife—the one who’s evaluating you?

In a recent segment I suggested that you do a self-evaluation of your performance  in your marriage (#MarriagePerformanceReview).  It’s much like the self-evaluation you might do at work prior to meeting with your boss, but the self-evaluation assignment that you did for our last segment involved evaluating yourself to determine how effective you were last year in caring for the most valuable resource you have been given—your spouse. 

 Men, let’s examine some of the specific questions from the previous segment:   Is your wife as happy and joyful as when you met her?  Is her smile as bright and broad as ever?  Does she feel loved and appreciated?  Or, is she overwhelmed and overworked? 

So, if your wife were conducting your marriage performance review for last year and she asked you: “Do I feel loved and appreciated?”  Would her response match the response that you gave for your self-evaluation?  During your self-evaluation, did you write: “Yes, my wife feels loved and appreciated.  I have earned a perfect score on this job responsibility.” ?  Now that she’s performing your annual review, will she agree with the score that you’ve given yourself, or will she say that you’ve only earned 50% instead of the 100% that you thought you earned.    Guys, we don’t get to judge if she feels loved, instead we get to take the actions of love and then she’ll let us know if we are on the right track.  That’s what the Marriage Performance Review is all about.    

Men, what about some of the other questions that we examined from the previous segment . . .  Is your wife as happy and joyful as when you met her?  Is her smile as bright and broad as ever?  Or, is she overwhelmed and overworked?  These questions have something in common, they require that you have the kind of communication in your marriage that is satisfying and enriching (we covered some of the specific tools to accomplish this in the September and October blogs).  When both spouses are satisfied with how they communicate with each other, they are better connected and aware of what is happening in the life of their mate.  So, Guys, even if you can’t do anything about your wife’s workload at her job, if she can communicate with you about what’s happening, her load will feel lighter for her. 

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is for the guys, and it’s in the form of a question: Guys, do your marriage self-evaluation scores measure up to the Marriage Performance Review scores of your  wife—the one who’s evaluating you?

Dr. Simon Whittaker – The Relationship Doctor at Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)

 #MarriagePerformanceReview, #CommuinicationInMarriage, #lovecpr

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How effective were you?  How would you rate yourself on your performance for the year?  (Pt.2)   

1/2/2015

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Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is a continuation of our previous passionate relationship principle, and it’s in the form of a question: How effective were you?  How would you rate yourself on your performance for the year?     


 

If God has called you and your spouse to be together, then He has determined that you are designed to help one another.  “The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’ ”   (Genesis 2:18, Holy Bible, New International Version)     God created Eve to serve as a helper for Adam.  Adam, likewise is to serve as a helper for Eve.  Since God has created you, and put you here for a particular assignment, a particular calling, and has given you a wonderful asset (your spouse), and the year has just come to an end, it’s time to do a self-evaluation of the relationship.  How have you been treating that asset that God has given you?  How is your spouse?

·        Men, is your wife as happy and joyful as when you met her?  Is her smile as bright and broad as ever?  Does she feel loved and appreciated?  Or, is she overwhelmed and overworked?  What are her dreams, and what are you doing to help her realize them?  What will keep her excited about her life?  What will get her excited about her relationship with you?   What can you do to encourage her to strengthen her relationship with God?

·        Ladies, is your husband happy and content as he was in the beginning?  What brings him joy?  What’s puts a smile on his face?  What are his dreams, and how are you helping him achieve them? What will get him excited about you and the relationship?  What can you do to encourage him to strengthen is relationship with God?

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is a continuation of our previous passionate relationship principle, and it’s in the form of a question: How effective were you?  How would you rate yourself on your performance for the year?     

Dr. Simon Whittaker – The Relationship Doctor at Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)

 #MarriagePerformanceReview, #AccountabilityInMarriage, #lovecpr



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How effective were you?  How would you rate yourself on your performance for the year?

1/1/2015

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Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is in the form of a question: How effective were you?  How would you rate yourself on your performance for the year?     

This is a question that you may be used to hearing once or twice a year.   It’s fairly common to have a performance review at work.  Typically it occurs at the end of each the year, or if you work in a job that has you working right up until December 31st your performance review will be during the first week or so of the new year.  Before your supervisor meets with you for your annual review, he or she will often ask you to perform a self-evaluation, asking you to determine how well you think you did regarding your work duties, responsibilities, and how well you have maintained the assets that you were given to help you do your work. 

Well, the year has just come to an end, and it’s time to perform a self-evaluation of how well you’ve done caring for the most important asset you have been entrusted with—your spouse.   The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines asset as “a thing that helps.”    (Some people would say that their children are their most important or valuable asset, but since children are not here to help us--it’s just the opposite, we are here to help them—they aren’t considered assets.) 

So, how well did you do in caring for your spouse last year? 

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is in the form of a question: How effective were you?  How would you rate yourself on your performance for the year?     

Dr. Simon Whittaker – The Relationship Doctor at Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)

 #MarriagePerformanceReview, #AccountabilityInMarriage, #lovecpr

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    Author

    Dr. Simon Whittaker
    is a  relationship  and sexual integrity coach,  and former host of the Radio Talk Show Relationship Fridays.  He helps singles prepare for their ideal relationship and helps couples enhance their relationship. He also and serves as a recovery coach specializing in addressing lust, porn, sex, and love addiction.  

    The Blog - 
    After examining national research of long-term, happily married couples by Olson, Olson-Sigg, and Larson (2008), we are presenting  powerful tools in the blog.  I will be focusing on one of the important characteristics and give specific tools and principles that you can apply immediately to enhance your relationship.   Whether you are single and want to prepare for a great relationship someday or married and want to ensure that your marriage is as fulfilling as it can be, you’ll find these principles to be valuable.   After all don’t you want your relationship to be passionate?   

    Teleconference audio files can be accessed by clicking on Services then Podcasts. 

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