|Center for Passionate Relationships||
Valentine's Day is typically a wonderful time for those who are dating, engaged, or married. The days leading up to it are often full of anticipation. But, what about the days and weeks after Valentine's Day? It's been a week, or more depending on when you're reading this post, since Valentine's Day. So, how are you feeling? Is the love and excitement still there? Or, if you[re like I used to be, you might be thinking: "Thank goodness that's over. I won't have to deal with that for another year." I used to feel so much pressure to try to express my appreciation, to make Valentine's Day special. I've learned that every day is an opportunity to express my appreciation for my wife, my Valentine. These days I don't feel as much pressure to make Valentine's Day special because I try to put more emphasis on appreciating her on the regular days. Today my appreciation for her was in the form of picking up dinner so she didn't have to think about what to fix for us, and taking the kids outside to play so she didn't have to deal with mommy guilt about the kids being inside all day. So, beyond Valentine's Day is today and tomorrow. Have you expressed your appreciation for the one you love today? How will you express your appreciation and love tomorrow?
Valentine's Day is less than a week away. It's a special time to show our appreciation to our spouse of significant other. If there's a special present that you wanted to get, hopefully you're already got it. If not, you may not have many choices left. A lot of the typical gifts that you would give for Valentine's Day are going to be in short supply as we get closer to that big day. But, the most important thing is that you remember to show your appreciation to the one you love in a way that is meaningful to them. Saying that you have been thinking about your loved one, without expressing your appreciation in a way that can be seen or experienced, is not how they want to remember Valentine's Day. Love is more than words. Love is about action --love is a verb.
Making a commitment to spend time together is certainly an important goal. Couples that want to maintain a strong relationship, typically have activities that they make a commitment to do together. Then they make a commitment to do those activities together. I know it sounds very unromantic, but if necessary schedule the activity in your calendar.
Here are a few examples of activities to bring you together, strengthen and maintain your relationship:
Dr. Simon Whittaker
So, how's it going with the relationship goals? During this time of social distancing with others and 24/7 close contact with immediate family, tensions are really getting strained. Some couples have realized that one of the reasons their relationship was so good is because they were able to spend 8-9 hours a day away from each other. When they arrived home after work, it was nice to be able to spend time together. For those couple who always wanted to have more time to spend together, this time of Covid has forced changes that have made it possible for some of them to have the time together that they always wanted (because more people are working from home).
Let's face it. No matter how much you may love someone, you still need some time to yourself. Of course if you don't spend enough time together, it's difficult to build and maintain a strong relationship that can naturally provide companionship, support, and comfort.
For 2021 don't think either-or ( either I have to choose me or the relationship).
Instead think both-and (both of us will commit to spending time together to strengthen our relationship and I will also commit to spending some time focusing on me so instead of losing myself in the relationship I will be able to be fully present in the relationship).
Ah, a new year--2021. It's a great time to think about the goals for the new year. Of course at work you have goals. Sometimes the goals are very specific, such as to get a certain number of sales if your in marketing. If you in a different area of customer service your goal might involve get a certain number positive reviews or comments about your work. If you work in a production area, like producing parts in a factory or producing graphics as a designer the goal might be to create a certain number of items. For some people the goal might be to just keep the job that you have. For others it might be to get a better job.
So, why should you think about goals for your relationship? Because relationships are dynamic, they're constantly changing. Sometimes in small ways and sometimes in large ways. But they constantly change. If you want to ensure your relationship changes for the better, you will want to have relationship goals that enhance and strengthen it. You'll be glad you did.
Dr. Simon Whittaker