Today’s relationship principle is all about the phrase, “Is this a good time for us to talk?”  Some conversations, and the decisions that come from those conversations, are more important than others.  For example, if a husband or wife is being considered for a promotion at work that could impact their duties around the house.  The other spouse may end up having to do more with house duties or with the children.  The couple may have less time to spend together initially, as the spouse with the promotion has to spend more time at work getting used to their new role and responsibilities.  The same challenges could occur if a spouse wants to go back to school to try to get additional income or additional career opportunities, or if a couple wants to have a baby, the impact on the couple’s relationship can be significant.  When trying to make discussions like these, it’s important that you have the full attention of your mate.  These are not the kind of conversations that you want to have as your spouse is walking out of the door to go to work.  These are high stakes conversations that can have a big impact on your relationship and on both people individually.  These topics are too important to be interrupted or to not have the full attention of both people.  So, before even beginning the conversation the most important question you can ask is this: Is this a good time for us to talk about . . . whatever the topic is?  If this is not a good time, then ask your spouse when would be a good time.  It needs to be a specific date and time.  Also, you need to be able to give them an idea of how long the discussion will be.  You may need to have multiple discussions about the topic, but you at least need to be able to tell them how long this initial discussion will be.   Today’s relationship principle is this:  “Is this a good time for us to talk?” 

Can you think of a time that your mate  or significant other got you into a discussion that you really wanted to have at a different time?  What was the outcome?  If you they had been willing to have the discussion later, do you think the outcome would have been different?

Dr. Simon – The Relationship Doctor at Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)

Today’s relationship principle is Kindness.   Kindness in your communication goes a step beyond respect.  When we think about respect, we often think about not saying things that are offensive.  So, being respectful typically means not calling people degrading names such as, stupid, ugly, fat, etc.   Being respectful allows you to have a civil relationship in which people aren't angry in the way they speak and interact with each other.  But, kindness in your conversations with your spouse (or significant other for those who aren't married) helps to build the closeness that will strengthen the relationship.  Kindness is more than something that’s nice to have, it is one of the building blocks that forms the foundation of a strong and lasting love.  It may be worth noting that the word kindness has kin, meaning relative, as its first three letters.  My wife is the kin that I am the fondest of, and hopefully the most kind to.  Who is your closest kin?  How kind are you to your closest kin?  Today’s relationship principle is Kindness.   Be extra kind to your spouse today.  (Now that I have children, I appreciate the joy of nature and animals a lot more; hence, the kindness demonstrated in animal photo above.)

As you think about today’s relationship principle, What is the kindest thing your mate or significant other has said to you or done for you recently?

Dr. Simon – The Relationship Doctor at Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)

Have you ever heard the phrase, It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.   If you’re dating, and certainly if you’re married, you want your communication to nurture the relationship.  You want your conversations to be a source of support, encouragement, and love.  So, today I’m going to take extra effort to speak kindly to my wife in my most soothing voice.  I think she’ll appreciate it—she’s had a rough day, too.   So, when you greet your love (significant other) later on today, how are you going to say it?  Remember, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. 

Dr. Simon – The Relationship Doctor, at CPR – Center for Passionate Relationships