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Use “I” statements to take ownership of your feelings

12/30/2014

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is this: Use “I” statements to take ownership of your feelings. Sometimes when people want to talk about topics that are scary for them, they use more general terms. For example, if Barbara feels very uncomfortable talking to her husband, John, about the finances, she might say something like: In some marriages both spouses work together to develop a budget otherwise one person might feel that the other is trying to control the finances and spending. If their relationship grows to a point in which there is enough safety and emotional intimacy, Barbara will be able to say: John, I want both of us to work together to develop a monthly budget. I feel that the strength of our marriage is our love and the partnership that we share, and that includes both of use sharing in the budgeting and financial decisions. This discussion also provides an opportunity for John to respond in a way that respects and encourages Barbara’s willingness to share her true feelings.

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is this: Use “I” statements to take ownership of your feelings.

Dr. Simon Whittaker – The Relationship Doctor at Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)

#communicationinmarriage, #Istatements, #lovecpr

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Wives, if you gave your husband a test of your vulnerability, how would he do?

12/29/2014

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Ladies, now it’s your turn. Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) comes in the form of a question: Wives, if you gave your husband a test of your vulnerability, how would he do?

Ladies, if you share with your husband about something that you consider to be a personal shortcoming of yours, or an area that you want to improve in, can you count on him to listen in a non-judgmental way and show you that he accepts you unconditionally. For example, Ladies, if you want to start cooking more often, as opposed to picking up fast food for the family, and tell your husband that you are a little frustrated about not having done this sooner, how will he respond? Will he get an ‘A’ and score high on the vulnerability test by listening emphatically and being supportive? Or will he fail the vulnerability test, by saying something like “It’s about time . . . .” Since, your already aware that you want to make a change in this area, you really don’t need him to reinforce the point. In fact, his commentary could have the reverse impact. By listening in this way your husband can show that there is safety in the relationship and you won’t be judged. This exercise can strengthen the marriage greatly.

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) comes in the form of a question: Wives, if you gave your husband a test of your vulnerability, how would he do?

Dr. Simon Whittaker – The Relationship Doctor at Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)

#vernerabilityinmarriage, #lovetalk, #lovecpr

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Husbands, if you gave your wife a test of your vulnerability, how would she do?

12/26/2014

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Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) comes in the form of a question: Husbands, if you gave your wife a test of your vulnerability, how would she do? If your husband expresses what he believes to be a shortcoming or an area in which he wants to get better, unless it is something critical that could cause harm to someone, listen in a non-judgmental way and show that you accept him unconditionally. For example, if your husband is disappointed or frustrated with himself and has said that he would start reading more so that he could be more knowledgeable and better prepared to make certain decisions about leisure activities for the family, you could just listen in a non-judgmental, empathetic way (see the prior segment on empathic listening). As you listen empathically it shows that you accept him unconditionally just the way he is, while also encouraging him in this area of self-improvement. Listening in this way will show him that there is safety in the relationship and that he won’t be judged. This exercise can strengthen the marriage greatly. Ladies, it provides you with the opportunity to develop the skills to listen objectively, in a non-judgmental, empathic way. This is often harder than it sounds because after the discussion is over you still have to live with him. So ladies, how would you do on this test of vulnerability? Would you get an ‘F’ on the test by telling him what a failure he is? Or would you get an ‘A’ by listening empathically? Or, would you score somewhere in between?

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is in the form of a question: Husbands, if you gave your wife a test of your vulnerability, how would she do?

Dr. Simon Whittaker – The Relationship Doctor at Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)

#vernerabilityinmarriage, #lovetalk, #lovecpr

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True Appreciation Goes a Long Way

12/25/2014

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Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is this: True Appreciation Goes a Long Way.

As my family and I celebrate the birth of Christ today, I am reminded that when we truly appreciate the sacrifice that someone has made for us, it puts us in a position to honor what they have done –and more importantly, who they are! So, especially today as I think about the ultimate sacrifice of Christ, I am thankful for what God has done and for a perfect example of what love really means (John 3:16). Appreciating Jesus helps me to honor him more fully. Likewise appreciating my wife helps me to love and honor her more fully.

Today’s passionate relationship principle (PRP) is this: True Appreciation Goes a Long Way.

Dr. Simon Whittaker – The Relationship Doctor at Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)

#alittleappreciation, #lovecpr

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Dr. Simon Whittaker
is a relationship and sexual integrity coach, and former host of the Radio Talk Show Relationship Fridays. He helps singles prepare for their ideal relationship and helps couples enhance their relationship. He also and serves as a recovery coach specializing in addressing lust, porn, sex, and love addiction.

The Blog -
After examining national research of long-term, happily married couples by Olson, Olson-Sigg, and Larson (2008), we are presenting powerful tools in the blog. I will be focusing on one of the important characteristics and give specific tools and principles that you can apply immediately to enhance your relationship. Whether you are single and want to prepare for a great relationship someday or married and want to ensure that your marriage is as fulfilling as it can be, you’ll find these principles to be valuable. After all don’t you want your relationship to be passionate?

Teleconference audio files can be accessed by clicking on Services then Podcasts.

Use “I” statements to take ownership of your feelings

Wives, if you gave your husband a test of your vulnerability, how would he do?

Husbands, if you gave your wife a test of your vulnerability, how would she do?

True Appreciation Goes a Long Way

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