Today’s relationship principle is Kindness.   Kindness in your communication goes a step beyond respect.  When we think about respect, we often think about not saying things that are offensive.  So, being respectful typically means not calling people degrading names such as, stupid, ugly, fat, etc.   Being respectful allows you to have a civil relationship in which people aren't angry in the way they speak and interact with each other.  But, kindness in your conversations with your spouse (or significant other for those who aren't married) helps to build the closeness that will strengthen the relationship.  Kindness is more than something that’s nice to have, it is one of the building blocks that forms the foundation of a strong and lasting love.  It may be worth noting that the word kindness has kin, meaning relative, as its first three letters.  My wife is the kin that I am the fondest of, and hopefully the most kind to.  Who is your closest kin?  How kind are you to your closest kin?  Today’s relationship principle is Kindness.   Be extra kind to your spouse today.  (Now that I have children, I appreciate the joy of nature and animals a lot more; hence, the kindness demonstrated in animal photo above.)

As you think about today’s relationship principle, What is the kindest thing your mate or significant other has said to you or done for you recently?

Dr. Simon – The Relationship Doctor at Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)

Today’s relationship principle is Respect.   When we talk about respect, we are talking about respect specifically regarding your conversation with your spouse.  Are your words and your tone respectful?  No matter what the situation is that the two of you are discussing, no matter what the topic is, at the very least try to have discussions that are respectful.  Yes, it would be nice if all of your conversations were full of admiration for each other, but there are going to  be times that you are frustrated with one another or frustrated with certain aspects of the relationship—that’s going to happen in any relationship, that’s life.  But, at a minimum, your goal should be that you and your spouse have and demonstrate respect for each other.   If you’re unsure about what it means to respect your mate just ask them.  As Aretha Franklin used to say “ R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to me.”  Find out what respect means to your spouse; then do it.   It may not be easy, but it is worth it.  Today’s relationship principle is respect “R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to me.” 

What is the most disrespectful thing that was said to you by someone you were dating? 

- Dr. Simon – The Relationship Doctor at Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)

Today’s relationship principle is this, It's 90% How You Say It. In a previous blog post I described that, It’s not what you say,  it's how you say it.  The main point of that principle is that the way you speak to your spouse is more important than the actual words that are used.     For those who have mastered that principle, today's principle will build upon it and lead you to enjoy the satisfaction of your conversations in a way that many couples only dream of.  Today's principle is this, It's 90% How You Say It.  This principle embodies the reality that there are some things that you just shouldn't say to the person you love most.  Guys, if your girlfriend or wife was overweight when you met her and she’s still overweight, does she really need you to tell her that she’s overweight?  Ladies, if your boyfriend or husband had dropped out of college when you met him and he never went back, does really need you to tell him that he’s a college drop out?  These two examples are part of the 10% of things that you just shouldn’t say to the one you love most.   Nothing good can result from making such statements under these circumstances.  Remember, It’s 90% How You Say It. 

-  Dr. Simon, The Relationship Doctor at the Center for Passionate Relationships (CPR)

Have you ever heard the phrase, It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.   If you’re dating, and certainly if you’re married, you want your communication to nurture the relationship.  You want your conversations to be a source of support, encouragement, and love.  So, today I’m going to take extra effort to speak kindly to my wife in my most soothing voice.  I think she’ll appreciate it—she’s had a rough day, too.   So, when you greet your love (significant other) later on today, how are you going to say it?  Remember, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. 

Dr. Simon – The Relationship Doctor, at CPR – Center for Passionate Relationships